i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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