alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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