Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
