3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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