I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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