I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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