bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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