His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
