I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i now understand why vodka
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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