I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
