Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
