it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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