I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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