I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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