we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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