Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
