I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.