You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?