Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.