She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
