I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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