Hey man sorry I got all grabby
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
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i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS