so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like eating out sand paper
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.