well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...