it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
