I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i out mim tonsoeep
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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