Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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