Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He has the fingertips of a God
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
