maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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