Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
