Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
