Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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