he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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