Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize
