Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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