Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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