They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
two words: eviction party
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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