we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.