You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
