I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.