Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.

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  (248): so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right? (248): oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left. http://tfl.nu/uut9
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (1114)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.

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  (617): I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian. http://tfl.nu/jfuh
  Replies (30) Good night (3159) Bad night (482)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.

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  (219): I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious. http://tfl.nu/0lgt
  Replies (17) Good night (3906) Bad night (704)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."

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  (214): Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15." http://tfl.nu/wu1w
  Replies (33) Good night (1046) Bad night (3648)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities

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  (315): It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities http://tfl.nu/tqmj
  Replies (11) Good night (5069) Bad night (1453)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

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  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8827) Bad night (1086)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.

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  (401): It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss. http://tfl.nu/0y0a
  Replies (1) Good night (1144) Bad night (1138)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.

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  (716): i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents. http://tfl.nu/knds
  Replies (9) Good night (3490) Bad night (600)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.

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  (435): Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that. http://tfl.nu/d2qc
  Replies (11) Good night (877) Bad night (497)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.

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  (214): I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS. http://tfl.nu/qjb8
  Replies (3) Good night (1076) Bad night (461)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single

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  (613): I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single http://tfl.nu/27nu
  Replies (3) Good night (1078) Bad night (384)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.

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  (952): So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child. http://tfl.nu/9pky
  Replies (0) Good night (708) Bad night (184)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.

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  (570): I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ca7c
  Replies (7) Good night (498) Bad night (285)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?

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  (780): Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office? http://tfl.nu/0lyw
  Replies (6) Good night (257) Bad night (525)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak

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  (306): of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak http://tfl.nu/lfx1
  Replies (7) Good night (333) Bad night (260)

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