Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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