i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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