Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
