I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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