I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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