She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
