I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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