Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
