Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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