So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
