NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
