1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
