Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
