Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
