covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
