Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she pinky promised me she was 18
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
