I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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