We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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