you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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