You work out of a Hotel?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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