My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
