I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
