I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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