I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
