I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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