I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
