Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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