the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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