That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
