The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
