i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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