So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
