So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
