Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
