Three words: puerto rican gang bang
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
