He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
