I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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