I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i've created a new STD.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
