Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
