Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
