Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
