I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize