just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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