I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
