he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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