highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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