im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
