Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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