i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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