Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
