Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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