okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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