In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
