If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I will be naked everywhere
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
