i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
