hotel room ftw
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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