I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
