The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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