omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
