I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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