I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
