There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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