Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
